pennylane731's diary

pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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waterlogged

desperation clings to my lungs

choking me like nicotine

and the pills forced down don't make me calmer at all

i'm ashamed of the dreams that i have while i'm awake

crying and pathetic, begging for release

but when it's all that you have

more often than not

you'll take what you can, and be

thankful for what you've got

and i bit back

the screams and the curses

until my lips bled

swollen and red

the pounding beats don't stop, don't stop

until minutes and minutes have passed

this is what it feels like

scrapes that i regret (so afraid)

as soon as they're formed

i'm scaring myself again (that maybe i don't love you enough)

but i know that the next time

you'll break my heart (it doesn't matter)

and i'll be drunk and

diluting the bloodstains again (this is what it feels like)

you didn't hear my breath caught in my throat

or the single saline scream

the vacant stare into the matress

halogen and the artificial breeze