pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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to be continued...(it's an epic, you see)

dedication:
silly how
i'm silly standing still
breaking for granted
payoff to payoff
the memories
sweating the orgasms past
oh, how i miss you, little whore

on the 3rd plateau -- better friends
i was never one for vodka
except THEN, when i was kissed
sickly with groping lips

you were to ask THE question
to beauty in new england
after coaxing me to lay with you.
(anyone sensing the pattern yet?)

and YOU, i can't blame
after all, Christ's love called
(as did the carribean)

money screamed
the future, i listened to
your tirades, your heartache
and i offered rides, in more than one manner

sometimes i wonder where you are, "my star"
you never knew i wrote that for you, did you...
but you wrote too
you kept a record, in our bed
words for her
(so surfaces the habit for being 2nd best)
if the house hadn't collapsed, i would still have accepted
everything

was the blinding error
back then
the lies to cushion "goodbye"?
you're still trying, now
the telephonic exchange --
i think that i may have actually been first place, for you.

so spills the truth,
all the times i would have died
but no one ever asked

i freeze and run, fall and splatter
this is paint, this is blood

and now i wonder, if i should have sacrificed
the highs and lows of hope everafter
for the loyalty that would have made me sick

maybe it would have never gotten better than that.

or maybe i just haven't seen that light of day yet.

9:52 p.m. - 2004-12-16

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