pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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the only conversations i can believe are the ones that i have with myself

i dig through words
to reflect, gut out my insides
remember a time i never possessed.

you.need.to.know.it.is.not.you.and.never.will.be.

if i could inject this
pit-of-my-stomach
ache like death
to simmer in my bloodstream always,
i would.
yes.

to teach
to learn
i am not the statue
the arabesque
the beauty
the method of math, or the brilliance of literature.

you are not the inspiration of great words or deeds.

i am dead weight.
i am to be done without.
words that are never spoken,
never existed,
were never thought.

you'd like to think you mean something, wouldn't you?

the peasant girl that i am,
i fall to my knees,
begging
for a crumb of hope.

5:42 p.m. - 2004-12-14

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