pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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meredith, at 29

to alternate between nightly rituals of
acne- and antiwrinkle- cream

knowing i'm the worst sort of late bloomer
amongst best friends having babies
and 60K careers
homes in the suburbs and financial security
country clubs and in-ground pools

even when my pleasure comes from
concert tickets and chinese take-out
shaking my ass to a band covering limp bizkit
and $2 coors light specials...
inadequacy fills me

my desires betray me
will there ever be a compromise?
will i become the coolest soccermom,
the temp agency's star employee,
the pink-haired jazz singer,
loved by all?

will you still love me, tomorrow...?

sneaking smokes like i'm 16
skinny dipping in the atlantic ocean
falling down drunk in my best friend's arms
crushing on pop stars

i don't wanna grow up...
but i do.

diet pepsi and day-long fasts
hershey's miniatures when i'm sick
wavering between wanting to get high,
and wanting to walk the straight and narrow

you make me want to be a better person...

there's a certain odd joy to laundry and dusting
saturday chores and errands:
oil changes, grocery shopping, manicures

for my 30th birthday, i think i'd like to throw a prom
for all my friends
a dj and chicken cordon bleu
(and booze, of course, since we're all of age)
photographic memories and champagne glass momentos

this is the time to remember, 'cause it will not last forever...

am i that far behind?
or just unconventionally conventional in my ideas?

9:19 p.m. - 2004-10-11

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