pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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the guilt of a so-called victim

swirling angst in silence
that i did not deserve you know,
you know the fragile heart
but chose not to investigate this;
which leads me to believe
and to attach guilt to myself

this was my fault, clearly
this was my fault, clearly

smiling was my curse, my crime
shaking to cry was my intent
i am the shame you've all placed upon me
over and over, layered in quiet

i try to stop the way
today
that i was leaning
yesterday
it will not shake the sense in me
it will not make you reach for me

i get what i deserve, each and every time
brutal, blunt, groping with false comfort
or peaceful disinterest doled out over the hours

6:28 p.m. - 2005-03-13

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