pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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random thoughts from 1am on an early tuesday morning

i've been bracing myself against the backlight for too long. i feel too safe in slumber, and too ill at ease with the world. i am not content where and when i should be. the bottom always drops out, and drops far.

excuse me for sounding indifferent or agitated. i'm always one to complain, quick. i am trying so hard to twist out of the digusting dread that has wrapped itself around me. the arms of anxiety hold tight.

at the fork in the road is the worst place to be indecisive.

i am weak, writhing, and tilted. it's not attractive - pass the jello pudding.

it's not a specialty, this careless placement of boring, vague words. there is nothing embraceable about this, right now. i am falling off into the pit of lost pasttimes. i can stare blankly for hours, and drown myself in words not reserved for me.

i sit here and see myself as the lazy pornography. tenderly touched by nothing but casual words, and stories of others' angst. it's an unfinished script, left dusty and yellowing due to lack of motivation. lack of an ability to complete what has been created.

1:20 p.m. - 2005-04-12

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