pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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no pain, no gain

i'd sit in the sun to freckle and ripen

i'd dye my hair

with strawberries and cranberries

to pursue, to become

this ideal i've created

from information

i've collected

a compositve sketch of beauty

contrasting with the mirror

bleeding when i fail

the restrictions i've placed --

can i be purified?

the embodiment

(in the tiniest body)

ritualistic:

the damage done

needs to be undone

discipline to cancel out the sloth.

i am not trying hard enough.

i must not want it badly enough.

tomorrow, i'll start again

revamp, reshape, reform

to become worthy of the love i crave

a sick obsession

fueled by caffeine, green tea and cayanne

visual perfection

negates the flaws within

a mask to shield the lunatic

a shell to contain the illness

that we never want revealed

the numbers drop

the picture is morphing

but there is no need for alarm --

you know as well as i do,

these are the means to the end

11:55 a.m. - 2004-07-05

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