pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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nonverbal

i want to hear something other than my songs
i want to see some color and feel the pain
that swells the skin

submerged in the liquid burn
with nothing to love, to learn --
i just sing

lonely for the recognition
and adoration for the voice
or my body
or something

it doesn't even have to be my mind right now
maybe if it was false and against my wishes
it'd still feel like something

some names bring feelings of hatred
some bring apathy
and others, confusion
and when i'm torn between it all
i'll do anything to forget

remind me why i am in this?

stress is estrangulation
(but not in the way that scared me,
but that i secretly loved)

if it is enough to almost kill me,
isn't that love?
even if it had been anger or annoyance
it would still mean more than this

someone needs to speak to me in a way that i comprehend

i know why that song is a favorite,
if you are anything like me...

12:41am on a sunday,
mind spinning
fingers touching, and the
anticlimactic shudder
red lines that i scratched myself
inhale, exhale
it's been too long

but i'm sure that it is the fantasies and sleep
that guide what's best further away

i read, and i wish these things for myself
time is flying, and i'm brilliant with cathartic release
imprisoned in my aspirations
simple, for most
but lofty for myself

pain to cancel out pain
do you feel it?
i ask again:
DO YOU FEEL IT?

12:47 a.m. - 2005-03-06

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