pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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need

dig your fingers in my skin
so i remember who i am

i don't want to recall the first time
but to keep myself prepared
i do

preparation for division
expletives and broken dishes
the pillows hold tearstains
years later

it is idiotic to believe
in that which is unsaid
-- implied? never.
that will not suffice tonight.

barricaded in the bed, i am
feeling tight
the springs squeak

my mouth is open, but i do not scream
i offer no hint of pain
because acceptance is love
adoration is doled out in forceful blows

this is what i was taught to believe

through all the scars
and headboard scratches
i was left to cry and beg

no one has begged for me
the swallowed pride is mine
apologies claim my sanity

i cannot speak my mind
without paying the final cost
so the silence will save me,

tortured smile upon my lips
lighthearted song in my voice

the only eternity i am guaranteed
is the one i fear will come too soon
even after i have bargained with gods,
false and true

7:19 p.m. - 2005-03-28

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