pennylane731's Diaryland Diary

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from smoke breaks and lunch hours

reinventing myself in this distress. a momentary delay. please wait�can i take back those harsh words and gestures that may have quite possibly scared you away from a lifetime of �smile for the camera� bliss in the backyard, BBQ with the neighbors, at least while we�re at home on break? i dream so vividly of the lifestyle of the not-even-close-to-rich but somewhat-famous. and those monthlong hiatuses (hiati?) are paradise, even if it�s an arrival to a stuffy, musty home, and a fridge full of moldy food (oops � forgot to clean it out again). i�d do anything to live like i dream. by the 23rd day, we�d be itching to get back out there. to write, to sing, to play, to embrace everyone who comes in contact and feels what we feel and understands how melody and harmony are oxygen and water.

i always fear that i say too much. which scares people more: my head or my heart? i restrain myself everyday. words unspoken and actions unperformed. i�m sickly desperate � but only to express how full my heart is. aloft with helium balloons, a note attached: KEEPME.

there is no way to make that request without making someone ill.

close your eyes � who do you see?
i�d be grateful if for even a split second, that vision was me.

i want to jump into your eyes and view your world.

note: here's where the writing occurred

11:17 p.m. - 2006-07-02

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